Election 2015: Please Give A Shit

It’s election time and it’s already been an entire 5 years since we had the opportunity to vote for that MP who lives where we live and has made our district better? Probably? I don’t really know. Who cares. If you’re like me, you’re a broad stroke voter who only cares about big stuff, like the economy? Maybe? Not enough to really properly learn about how it works, but enough to care if it’s ‘bad’, or better but in a ‘bad’ way. Listen, we’re getting off track!

This is possibly the most interesting election ever. And if that bit of hyperbole doesn’t make you want to read on then go off, watch this, and thanks for playing:

For the purpose of this blog, the relative merits of the political parties don’t matter. Once I’ve bothered to read the manifestos, I will explain who I am and am not voting for and why. But for now, all I want to do is make you care about voting.

A Yougov poll recently revealed that more than 2 million young people like myself will abstain from the vote. So what I want to get across is that you can’t not vote. Not voting is a vote for things to stay the same. You’re leaving your future in the hands of the people that have presumably always voted against your interests. Older people have generally always voted and younger people have generally not given a shit. That’s why so many wonderful pension benefits have been rolled out ahead of the election, and also why student fees have tripled. Why would they act in our interests if we don’t act interested? If you’re not happy, you need to punish them.

Don’t listen to Russell Brand, if you can’t find a party that represents you perfectly then find one that mostly does. This will lead the political discussion in a certain direction and drag everyone with it. If that sounds fanciful then think of how the joke parties of 2010 like UKIP and the Greens are starting to scare everyone because they just might do something in this year’s election. Think of how the SNP are in the process of eradicating the influence of all the English-based parties in Scotland. Think of how the Liberal Democrats went from being plucky no-hopers to real movers in government after just three televised debates where Nick Clegg won us all over.

If you’re European-minded then think of Alexis Tsipras, leader of the Syriza party in Greece. You may have heard of them in the news. Well, this radical political party was founded a mere 11 years ago, and now they are in charge because they rallied the nation’s young voters.

If you’re not European-minded, but are instead historically-minded then just think about the history of the Labour party for a bit…

Not giving a shit leads to things you don’t want. Just as an example, I know several people were alarmed that UKIP ‘won’ the European Parliament elections in Britain. Ask yourself, are you one of the people who didn’t worry about UKIP because you thought that when it came down to it no-one would be crazy enough to vote for them? Well that didn’t happen then and it might not happen now. You’re giving the voters that you disagree with free rein, allowing them to make things better for themselves possibly at your expense.

The whole point of voting is change. That’s why we don’t have mad Kings and Queens who get to capriciously make rules any more. Voting does change things and I hope I’ve given you just a flavour of how quickly real change can happen. The political landscape today is completely different from 2010.

A recent BBC3 programme, An Idiot’s Guide to Politics tried to get to the bottom of why the young don’t vote and came to the conclusion that it’s because politicians lie all the time and we feel that therefore there is no point. While this explanation has the wonderful quality of taking the onus off us, I feel that it is a bit too generous. I personally think it’s because we’re not taught a lot about it in our education, AND that we genuinely don’t give a shit.

Why does the lying politician line not fly with me? Well the fact is that when you and I get older we are going to vote (and we’re more likely to vote Tory), we will suddenly give a shit because we feel it affects us. Not because politicians will become more honest as we age, but simply because we will perceive that politics is affecting us more. It’s a vicious cycle where politicians don’t help out the young because they don’t vote, and the young don’t vote because the politicians don’t help them out.

So let’s talk about this election; what the fuck is going on?

If the polls are anything to go by then there’s barely anything in it between the two major parties: Conservative and Labour. Indicating that we may be in for consecutive hung parliaments and another coalition.

What makes this really juicy is the supporting cast!

With the polls indicating that the Liberal Democrats will accrue a mere 10% of the vote and that the key players are less than certain of their seats, it seems that dreams of a decade of Lib Dem rule spectacularly exploded within 6 months of gaining some superficial power. It’s been so bad that even the offer of free money to every tax payer has not spared them.*

Now that the Lib Dems are not the king-makers they were 5 years ago, what wild cards do we have to think about this year?

The Green party have leapfrogged the Lib Dems in popularity among the young for no apparent reason. It was something to do with them not being allowed on TV with Dave Cameron, even though Dave Cameron really wanted them there, so much so that he threatened to not be on TV any more. Some such bullshit. Anyway, for the time being they have a growing support mainly made up of younger people who have responded to a radical party that offers them real revolutionary change…and amusing viral videos.

The Scottish National Party are predicted to possess the third highest amount of seats. This seems strange for a party that is apparently perpetually locked in a gentleman’s agreement to not vote on issues to do with England. Stranger still, a party that wanted nothing to do with Westminster 6 months ago. But I guess they deserve their luck, as they managed to make the Scottish give a shit about politics and stuff. Even if the shit they gave was to confirm their position as a large county in the north of England.

Finally, we have UKIP, the one you know everything about so I probably don’t need to cover it here.

There are a lot of possibilities here. It’s not just a straightforward Labour versus Conservative punch-up any more! The major parties need to appeal to an electorate they haven’t faced before – a more nuanced electorate. Your vote will really influence the direction of the next 5 years. A vote for these smaller parties reduces the power of the large parties and they will need to find ways to appeal to us again. Anyone who doubts this should think about how the both Conservative and Labour in the aftermath of the European Parliament elections have tried to appeal to UKIP voters rather than dismiss them as fanatical.

We could have:

Conservative – Liberal

Labour – Liberal

Labour – SNP

Labour – Green

Conservative – UKIP

There could be crazy concatenations of three or more parties!

So please young people of Britain, give a shit. The fact is that if anywhere near 2 million extra people voted this summer then things really could change in a weird and unpredictable way. I don’t want to beg you to vote because I want to push an agenda (those blog posts come later). I just want you all to mix things up, keep things interesting, make sure our votes matter, and give a shit.**

*If I were in charge I’d have ingeniously called the raising of the tax allowance to £10,000 a free money pledge

**It’s occurred to me that this ‘give a shit’ thing is turning into a bit of a line, potentially a political line. I’m okay with this.

Can Everyone Please Stop Moaning About These Stupid TV Debates!

This issue has already taken up too much time on the news and I can’t stand it.

David Cameron doesn’t want to be thrown to the lions on TV and get slaughtered by anyone that wants a piece.

This slightly cowardly move clearly does not show him to be the bold, daring, charismatic leader that we may all want, but it also doesn’t make him aloof, uncaring, or stupid.

It is my personal opinion that the leader and the principle opposition should be forced to do a televised debate at every election. These televised debates are a much better advert for politics than Prime Minister’s Questions and they get the young involved. BUT we should never be surprised that the majority party does not want to do them, there are obvious and pragmatic reasons for this. We are basically asking the turkey to vote for Christmas.

Cameron has nothing to gain from these debates. NOTHING. His role will be to stand there and let every other party throw shit at him (hopefully metaphorically). These debates are king-makers and king-breakers, where the charisma of one person for one hour may help you decide whether to vote for that random MP that lives near your house.

Think of how the Liberal Democrats hadn’t had a sniff of power for decades, but on the back of Nick Clegg’s flooring of the main parties in the 2010 debates they have afforded themselves significant influence of government policy.

Think of how Gordon Brown became reduced to a man with a terrible, child-scaring smile by the media.

Think of how Nigel Farage is a man who would be nothing without TV. After spending numerous unglamourous hours on television being condemned as a lizard-faced racist he has managed to build a solid platform for UKIP. He has even managed to wipe the floor with previous debating champion Nick Clegg on the issue of the EU, as well as securing victory in the European Parliament elections for the party you thought everyone hated. All this success is born out of Farage’s ability in front of a camera, and he now leads the party that scares everyone.

If you’re not quite done thinking yet, then you could even think of how the Green party found great popularity for not being allowed on TV with Dave Cameron, an issue that greatly upset him. I count this as the second most bizarre and dull news story of the past year.

What I’m getting at is that yes, it would have been great for him to accept the schedule. It would be better for the electorate, and frankly I think it would have been better for him. We all know he would have wiped the floor with Ed Miliband, anyone that needs evidence of this just needs to watch any replay of PMQs over the past 5 years. Just to cover myself against left-wing retribution, I didn’t mean that he would have won because the coalition has nailed governance and that everything is perfect. Ed Miliband is just shit at debating: you know it, I know it, and he probably knows it.

But Cameron had two options and both were a gamble.

1. DEBATE

Take on the debate and risk being made to look like a moron on TV, whilst simultaneously raising the profile of Labour and other parties.

OR

Take on the debate and boss it

2. CHICKEN OUT

Leave the debate and bet on the fact that if they ’empty chair’ him, that no-one in the world can be bothered to listen to Ed drone on for an hour about how things would obviously be great if he were in charge. I don’t know about you guys but I’m watching for the scrap! It would be a bit boring to watch a fight between one people.

OR

Leave the debate and thanks to the sheer willpower of the news everyone moans about him not being on TV without rest for a month, until the public inevitably pick up sound bites from Ed Miliband’s solo debate from the news and Labour experience a tidal wave of support.

However, ingeniously he went for option number 3. He’s attempted a best of both worlds option by debating every person and their mother on television. 7 parties on stage! 7! Just think, if they all moan about what they would do to make the world perfect for 5 minutes each, then boom, 35 minutes gone. That leaves no time to bully Cameron over the tie he is wearing, or whether he can see #thedress properly.

So listen, feel free to hate Cameron but he did not make a crazy decision designed to insult the electorate. Feel free to think that this move is a comment on his character and that you should not vote for a man that is so camera-shy. You can even feel free to imagine that he tremors at the thought of debating Miliband for the 100^th time. But please recognise that he’s in a terrible position and it’s unnecessarily moany of us and the news to bang on about it for this amount of time.

It’ll be interesting to see whether the next party to rise to power 100% commits to the debates next time round.

Any thoughts or vile hysterical rantings? Please comment below.